"A band, like a golf course, is only as good as its weakest link."

--Peter Schickele, "PDQ Bach: Music for an Awful Lot of Winds & Percussion" [featuring the Turtle Mountain Naval Base Tactical Wind Ensemble]

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 08:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though."

—Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

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"The author regrets that he is unable to reconcile himself to the thoughtful point of view you have expressed. However, it must be kept in mind that being raised in different cultures and different places can result in such differences of viewpoint between individuals. The author is from planet Earth."

—Author Unknown

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"I've worked in the private sector before; they expect results!"

(Dr. Ray Stantz, Ghostbusters)

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"My career is about as promising as a Civil War leg wound."

(Warren Zevon)

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 09:30 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and insanity to my list of things I did today."

(Agent Pleakley, Lilo and Stitch)

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"Oh, great altar of passive entertainment bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible."

(Calvin in front of the TV, Calvin & Hobbes)

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How To Survive Your Stint In Federal Service

(...thanks to the film version of Starship Troopers for being so bad that it inspired...)

Twenty useful tips brought to you by Gen. Paul Verhoven, C in C...

20. The enemy can drop driveless asteroids on your cities from over 1000 light years distance-presumably at FTL speeds-without resorting to any visible technology. Therefore, assume they're just stupid Bugs incapable of rational thought;

19. When piloting the ship, don't strap yourself in. When the ship is hit, you'll look cool flying through the air into the viewport;

18. Artillery? Only wussies need artillery.

17. Ignore those plasma bolts the mindless Bugs are firing at your ship-they're just "random light";

16. Be ready to shoot your buddies at a moments notice; they'll thank you for it;

15. Rest assured that, in the future, even the chicks are pumped on testosterone; more...

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 07:09 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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"One day, Pinky, A MOUSE shall rule, and it is the humans who will be forced to endure these humiliating diversions!"

"You mean like Orlando, Brain?"

(Pinky and the Brain)

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"Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move."

(The Very Secret Diary of Frodo Baggins)

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The latest offering in the rapidly overflowing strategy genre is hard evidence that strategy games need a real overhaul, and fast. Chess, a small-scale tactical turn-based strategy game, attempts to adopt the age-old "easy to learn, difficult to master" parameter made popular by Tetris. But the game's cumbersome play mechanics and superficial depth and detail all add up to a game that won't keep you busy for long. more...

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 07:11 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...it was like gossiping with a chum in the gunroom: the place was littered with port bottles, full and empty, along with three Colt revolvers on the side table, boxes of patent matches, a broken telescope, a well-thumbed Bible next to the Woolwich Manual of Fortification, a shelf packed with jars of Coward mixed pickles, bundles of silver ingots tied with red waxed string and thrown carelessly on the bed, an old barommeter, piles of French crockery, jade ornaments, tea cups, a print of the Holy Well in Flintshire propped up against the Young Cricketer's Companion, and papers, books, and rubbish spread in dusty confusion.

(George McDonald Fraser, Flashman and the Dragon)

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How It All Began

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. more...

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 07:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Remember that great end sequence from the classic monster flick, Them! You know, giant ants rampaging across California, settling into Los Angeles? The end sequence took place in the flood-control tunnels that criss-cross the city. Here's a look at similar tunnels under Las Vegas. I looks like there are some strange inhabitants down there! more...

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 08:30 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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An interview with Ben Schott, author of Schott's Original Miscellany and other amazing works of detail. He is the World Wide Web!

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As I work my way through the Jack Aubrey-Stephen Maturin books, the Horatio Hornblower books, various histories and more, bits of naval lore are starting to sink in. To give my computer a slightly naval theme, I can now install ship's bells! And I've found two handy sites that breakdown the schedules.

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Another Nixie clock! Wish I wasn't such a klutz when it comes to electronics and mechanical work!

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Until I came across this site completely by accident, I had completely forgotten how much I loved the tales of Augustus S. F. X. Van Dusen, Ph.D.,LL.D., F.R.S., M.D., M.D.S., a.k.a., The Thinking Machine. The site mentions a collection (edited and introduced by Harlan Ellison!) which I'll have to hunt down. In the meantime, you can try the tales yourself. See if you can solve the riddle of The Problem of Cell 13!

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 02:21 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Understanding Engineers: Take One

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." more...

Posted by: Fred Kiesche at 08:24 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Filler for a semi-dormant blog (found via Not Exactly Rocket Science):

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Neither. He leaves them, unwrapped, by and on the fireplace and in the stockings.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White on the tree; red-green-white on the house and down the sidewalks.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Sometimes. Rarely.

5. When do you put your decorations up? The day after Thanksgiving for the tree and house decorations; by the end of Thanksgiving weekend for the outdoor lights (I've done them in the rain, in the freezing cold, and this year in the 75+ degree sunlight).

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Jackie's Chex Mix.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Any given ski trip in Colorado during Junior High and High School with my church's youth group.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was a gullible one - fourth or fifth grade. I learned it from an older child in the neighborhood.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Not normally.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? We started with a small Charlie Brown-type tree the first Christmas after we got married just buying one ornament a year for each other. Other friends and family learned and would give us ornaments, and now "Santa" gets an ornament for everyone. Aside from the star, these ornaments are the sole decoration for the tree (which at 9 feet tall is now literally covered with happy memories). My wife plans to give the kids their ornaments when they move out, so they have some "seed" ornaments for their respective trees.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Love it. Wish we had more of it here, where the weather's just ridiculously warm and sunny.

12. Can you ice skate? Barely.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? This one's a toss-up. In 1983, my parents got me Enzo Angelucci's Fourth Edition (1983) of The Rand McNally Encyclopedia Of Military Aircraft, 1914-1980. I still have it, and have made good use of it to research some of the features here on my blog. They also kindly gave me my first keyboard, Christmas 1985, a Korg DW-8000 that is still in decent working order.

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? Time with family listening to and singing the traditional music.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? My mom's fudge.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Our Christmas ornament tradition described above.

17. What tops your tree? A sturdy, clear plastic (looks like crystal) star that we got from the Hecht's in Arlington, VA in Christmas 1991, our first Christmas together.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Since I got married, and especially after having kids -- giving.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Not just one. For sacred carols, it's a toss-up between O Come, O Come Emmanuel and Carol of the Bells. For secular carols, I like Nat King Cole's version of his Christmas Song and Ray Charles' version of Winter Wonderland.

20. Candy canes: Bleh. I don't like hard candy much.

21. Favorite Christmas movie? It's A Wonderful Life.

22. What do you leave for Santa? Chocolate chip cookies or fudge and a glass of milk.

Update: On the off chance they still read here, I think I'll tag Robbo, Ted, Buckethead, Kyle, and Lynn with this "meme."

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